Help!! Once the narcissist has completely broken you down and you can no longer fuel their ego, they will discard you. Many times when I read articles about silent treatment and ghosting I feel the author must be very careful in distinguishing intent because it is literally what your are told to do in order to protect yourself from abusers even when the abuser may not realize they are abusers, which many dont. Unfortunately, that strategy will never work. With time comes healing and eventually your wounds will fade away until they are only scars left behind to remind you what happened to prevent it from happening again. If you are truly struggling to cope with the discard and you feel like you cannot find any comfort or support, it may be a good idea to speak with a professional about what happened. The intent behind going No Contact vs. using the silent treatment and ghosting is all in the drivers and the outcomes. Narcissists cut off their True Self when they were younger, leaving them to create a False Self, which is ruled completely by their ego. The feelings of hurt and loss are normal after being discarded by a narcissist. Being discarded by a narcissist is not your fault and you should not blame yourself for what happened. Why narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding is so powerful for codependents, Why the narcissist chose you: Pathological envy, What happens when the narcissist knows youve figured them out, 3 signs the narcissist is preparing to discard you, Emotionally unhook yourself & starve the narcissist of supply: Heres how, Invalidation and narcissism: Why they slowly erase you, The narcissist's word salad: Stop biting now, Proof the narcissist abuses you intentionally and will never change. Theyll play on your compassion or shine a light on your deepest insecurities, which they got to know very well during the idealisation phase. Now see that this was used, leading up to the discard, so he could save face. as well as other partner offers and accept our, NOW WATCH: 'Shark Tank' star Barbara Corcoran: How I went from a 10-kid household and more than 20 jobs to become a real estate mogul. Hed get me into conversational corners and question me with things that clearly had no right answer. Maybe I didnt pick up on it until much later? Live Like No One's Watching Start Getting Help with Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Today Author Have you been discarded by a narcissist? What happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Who Dumped You? Now, remember, not everyone who ghosts you has a personality disorder. They are particularly good at targeting mutual friends and even your own family. They only way to heal your inner wounds is to go in and meet them. If you begin to build up some strength towards the narcissist over time, that does not bode well for their narrative. You have very deliberately been programmed by the narcissist to doubt yourself at every turn. 6. So now my punishment is the silent treatment and my parents cant see their grandchildren. It often happens without any warning signs or indication that you are about to be discarded. Here are some things to help you not only deal with the discard dished out at the hands of the narcissist, but to actually step into your power and become a stronger person because of it. This is not about you at all its about the narcissist.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1','ezslot_15',109,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1','ezslot_16',109,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-portrait-1-0_1'); .portrait-1-multi-109{border:none !important;display:block !important;float:none !important;line-height:0px;margin-bottom:15px !important;margin-left:auto !important;margin-right:auto !important;margin-top:15px !important;max-width:100% !important;min-height:250px;min-width:250px;padding:0;text-align:center !important;}. Relationships with narcissists tend to follow a pattern that plays out again and again. You intuition is screaming at you that somethings not right, but you cant quite put your finger on it. If you think you have been blocked in error, contact the owner of this site for assistance. Without that life force, they are left as a defective soul who is filled with inner hatred and self-loathing due to their wounding. I am now estranged from my beautiful daughter and was replaced again when I caught him again lying cheating etc it was the worse hell ever and I thought id never get up again as he had done this to me before and when I healed and the woman he left for dumped him then I was called back again. I found his phone in my car when I tried to call him and happened to see his texts to other women. Ive been devalued for Years. If youre dealing with a narc, there is one guarantee that you can be certain of the narcissist will discard you.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'unmaskingthenarc_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_18',101,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-medrectangle-3-0'); Its utterly devastating to think that the person who you thought loved you or at least cared for you, could be so callous. Even when the narcissist is belittling and controlling your every move, theyre sure to provide you with the occasional compliment or affectionate gesture just to keep you on the hook. Instead, they highlight how they were the victim and how youll fail in every subsequent relationship. So, why bother? They do not have the resources to look within at their own wounds when something is triggered within them. I have allowed myself to be completely isolated.I saw all the signs like loving cant be that deep at all! The ball is in your court once they contact you. Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_1',113,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');After being miserable and firing all of their pain towards you, they now suddenly seem happier and have a bounce in their step. They might be spending a lot more time out or on their phone, but make up stories to cover what theyre actually up to. GL to everyone. Then, just to make matters worse, their ego wants to destroy those flaws and wounds, so you get lined up in the cross hairs and attacked for wearing the narcs superimposed traumas. Its easier to manipulate someone that cant believe their own thoughts. The only thing you can control, is to remove yourself from it. One of the initial symptoms of an impending discard is the silent treatment. Thank you police! So I am a example of what a low down narcissistic will do! I need serious help. But the only way to stay gone is absolutely no contact. Plus I became unwell/disabled about 10 years ago, so kind of relied on him to assist me in the home. The narcissist made you feel like you were their whole world, especially within an intimate relationship. Rejection and breakups are hard enough, but being ghosted can be traumatic. It doesnt seem like he wants to come back but Im afraid if he tries to that I will cave. The narcissist ghosting after discard. Theres no doubt about it, being on the receiving end of a narcissist discard is extremely painful. they will find something else negative to do with their time. Dear ozanark. What is Narcissistic Rage? Before youve even had a chance to talk to anyone, the narc has already painted the picture for everyone, making anything you say completely unbelievable. If you do try to get back together, they will likely discard you again and it will only cause more pain and heartache for you in the long run. This is where people often find themselves apologising for things they didnt even do, just to appease the narcissist and relieve the feelings of pain, rejection and abandonment. Each and everyone of us are brilliant shining stars thats why we were chosen from the beginning. What are the signs of the Narcissists final Discard? Maggie x, Beautifully and succinctly written. I love that you love me.. These people are capable of anything. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs. It was more of a stress and nightmare than good memories. Hi, how are you? T hey've grown bored of the relationship and you serve no further purpose. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. The first step I recommend is to go No Contact with the narcissist. The discard phase will be a drawn-out process where youre made to feel worthless and undeserving of any of the things you shared. Without any previous warning signs or indications that you are about to be discarded. I have been living in a van along with my dog. Narcissists are skilled manipulators and they may make you feel like its your fault, but that is simply a tactic to ensure that you do not get angry or upset about what happened. We have what they want more then anything in life. Both the silent treatment and ghosting relate to withholding information to exercise power and control over you. After a few cycles of it while he was trying to gaslight me, I told him he needed to leave. He took my chance at saving her from herself. This idealized version of themselves is only possible in the initial stages of the relationship when youre only aware of the side of them that theyve chosen to share. If youre not living together, theres a good chance theyll simply pick a fight, blame you for the relationships failure, and then say something to make you feel awful about yourself. There is no way to hide the fact that a narcissist discards people in their life. I called them out and I got rather nasty. The final discard for me was when our children, who were friends, had a minor fight. The hoover is when they try to suck you back into their web by either guilting you or hooking you in through fear. They are as starkly contrasted as night & day. Meaning after the toxic relationship has come to an abrupt end. It also relates to blocking indirect dealings such as via the narcissists flying monkeys. He will never stop cheating and lying. It was never her general attitude. It took a long time to get to that point its just not worth it anymore. Narc Wise is abouthelping you inoculate yourself from abusive narcissists, and heal your wounds by growing healthy self-love. If your partner is preoccupied with texts and calls from friends or coworkers you werent previously aware of, this is likely the first sign of an upcoming discard. It is about preventing exposure to any further abuse to begin healing and reclaiming a life of freedom. Its utterly heartbreaking to then witness and feel the wrath of a completely different person coming at you, causing such intentional hurt and pain. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. I also picked up that he was likely using this to paint me in a bad life to his family & my son, look how angry/bitter/difficult she is & he was a saint putting up with it. Having said that, narcissists come in different flavors. Maggie x (p.s. Usually, for a reason that seems due to no fault of your own. The discard can feel like a death and it may take a long time for you to move on from the experience. You have no more time nor energy for any more of their nonsense. They can look at you, knowing that you know, but theres not a damn thing you can do about it because who would believe you anyway? The narcissist in our lives is our daughter in law. I spent 15 years, committed and doing what a faithful partner should do. True. This is the true path out of narcissistic abuse. Their hope is that once you realize how little you mean to them, you will work even harder to please them. They become nostalgic about person A, when they become angered or disappointed with person B or C. They will likely cycle among the same group of people until someone moves away or dies. But not before trying to push his way past me again like before. The silent treatment occurs during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle to punish you and to fortify trauma bonds (see Why is it so hard to leave and abusive relationship with a narcissist? Get out. Watch up. The narcissist/NPD will ghost you because: *They don't care how it affects you and don't care that it makes it obvious how little you mean to them. Theyll be regularly posting photos of all the fun and exciting moments theyre now sharing with this new person, who is apparently way better than you ever were. Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "aa1077d4b8fb66e14d76c3b0b1869328" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. Light & love to you gorgeous one. Typically, a narcissist will not care if you ignore them after they discarded you, because they have moved on to new prey. Examples of narcissist text messages when hoovering: "Hey, let's catch up. No receiving nor responding to any meet ups, phone calls, text messages, social media bombs, letters, emails etc. This sounds more like typical domestic violence to me. He stoled my fresh start. for more on trauma bonds). In them, the two of you are the very picture of perfect love. This kind of love, as Jungian analyst Robert Johnson once said, is always directed at our own projections, our own expectations, our own fantasies . Yes, you will get over it! The final stage is when they discard you and they get rid of you. This is textbook, and also what I went through while I dont have proof that he was cheating enough. Just as the name suggests, ghosting is a disappearing act. See. Im so very glad youve found some answers to rest easier. This will undoubtedly anger the narcissist, but in the long run, it will save you considerable heartache. And of course, they are the poor, long suffering victim. Good luck to any/all experiencing same. They are like hamburgers or tissues. The narcissist discard phase is so painful and confusing because it seems easy for the narcissist to toss you aside; they appear totally lacking in emotion. To their mind, there is really no need to sully their hands with any unnecessarily unpleasant conversation if you are of no immediate nor further benefit to them. The narcissist will ghost you and move on with their new source of supply and flaunt it all over social media for your eyes to see. Im going through the last discard phase now. Thats one of the ways that they use gaslighting. Probably best you stay single since you struggle with gambling addiction and domestic violence. In the next step, the narcissist severs any bonds that might remain. In some cases, they may not have entirely discarded you, and are just playing hot and cold, in which case ignoring them will likely lead them to attempt to "hoover" you back on to the relationship. How to Make the Narcissist Miss You After the Discard 1. Look at it like this, you had to study for an exam and you putting so much effort into hoping that you pass the test. I feel blessed to have escaped again and although i had believed in him so much I should have seen the flag when after sixteen years no marriage and many infidelities lies and much esteem wrecking I never ever really did feel loved and secure but I hid from my gut instincts and stayed . Does the Narcissist Treat the New Supply Better? Still in the hoovering phase, but no use. How To Deal With an Angry Narcissist? A therapist will not judge your situation in any way and they can provide helpful advice and tips for how you should move forward after this experience. To the narcissist though, the discard is a necessary component of preserving their self-image. In fact, they kinda get off on it. Im partly to blame for my situation as I was involved in an affair with a married male narcissist. Maggie x. Last Updated on July 4, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. This phase leaves the partner feeling worthless and confused, wondering what they could have done differently to salvage the relationship. Flying Monkeys Do they see the truth? That is someone who is in the narcs inner circle and the narc uses to goad you and get information about you. Lets have a look at why the narcissist discards the people they so readily pretend to care about and how they do it. During the break-up, he said to me, ever since you started standing up to your mum, you changed. "A narcissistic personality is someone who needs to feel better than other people. Id admit its not always easy, but your prepping and doing your homework to get an A+ on the next exam. You must admire and worship me as a God., You must pour an unlimited supply of energy into my empty void., If you try and fight back, I will punish you.. They love the excitement of the chase, not the actual relationship. In fact, in the narcissists delusional world, they actually believe that they are the victim and you the abuser. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Seeing Through the Narcissist's Mask Ascending to a Higher Vibration. You see, the narcissist is a pathological liar. This constant self-questioning is yet one more outcome of having suffered narcissistic abuse. Or, if I agreed with what he said, then Id just okayed his behaviour, with serves to strengthen his public storyline. Get out by any means necessary, block all contact with the N and anyone they associate with. I mean, lets be honest, narcissists are emotional voids at the best of times. Narcs make it a daily effort to do the opposite of whats good. He even went as far as making a restraining order against me at the police when I exposed all the juicy bits of our affair to his wife. about 3 weeks into my new apt. To be loved. Narcissists, by definition, have a need to control people, which means breaking it off with them before theyre ready will almost certainly turn out ugly. They devalue you and criticize everything you do. In fact there are likely to be many pictures of the two of you posted on whatever internet sites they frequent because it is so important to narcissists that everyone sees you as the perfect couple. the police had brought him here while evicting him from his last residence. But Ive certainly paid for that in a big way. Whats actually going on here is that the narcissist cannot and will not self-reflect. I can totally relate. This may be in the form of outright ghosting your messages and calls, right through to not being available for you at all. It was absolute torture; more especially given the close relationship I had with her children and the subsequent silent treatment/gaslighting. I hope you can move to a location where he cannot find you at all. Are you in a dither wondering if perhaps there is something to this? Group 1: The Trophy Hunter. Narcs are brilliant and confident liars, holding eye contact and really wrapping people into their storyline. Totally crap to hear. Even her parting words were hostile. Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: Whether they have. And now you find out that not only did they never love you, but the whole thing was built on lies and manipulations. The narcissist discard can be even more confusing. You are so on the money. The narcissists silent treatment is actually a game. So sorry youve found yourself here as theres only one reason you would be reading up and seeking answers to all those questions. Eventually, everyone disappoints them and the first person starts to look appealing again, and they reach out to her again for connection. Letter From a Narcissist [Behind the Mask]. The build-up to a discard can last weeks or even months as the narcissist preps you for the final phase. Now that you know some of their flaws though, they must discredit you and prevent you from informing others of their weaknesses. He will surely try to Hoover again asking when can we have The Talk and I will not respond. Similar situation, that worsened over the years due to his nature and substance abuse issues. Its horrendous.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-2','ezslot_2',123,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-leader-2-0'); You were sold a lie and you put your heart and soul on the line, only to have it smashed into a million pieces. You will rarely see them again unless they find themselves up late one night, bored and horny. You could do nothing to save it, though, as the failure comes from the narcissists inability to care about anyone besides themselves. Another motivation for narcissist ghosting is after the discard. If I answered those questions truthfully, I knew hed get me into a word salad and the conversation would continue to escalate until I caved and he got the result he wanted. The reason they do not give you an explanation is that they do not care about your feelings. To do so, to engage in any way, only prolongs the abuse and the harm sustained. While this might seem innocuous, such roundabout communication makes their victim feel like everyone around them is repeating the words of their abuser. Restraining Order ASAP!!! All else is futile dear marionfallon1961. You may have shared a life with them and even gotten married, had kids, the whole deal. It was not what I expected to witness from the father of my children. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this sites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. They have been left as drug addicts with narcissistic supply being their much-needed drug of choice. It is the active prevention of interaction of any sort. If the litmus test in distinguishing between no contact and the silent treatment is intent, then the obvious follow up question is how an impartial third party may be able to judge the difference? And that is exactly what they imagine is happening in their absence. Want to know more? We all ask ourselves this after a breakup. It completely makes sense to me that she is probably upset and projecting that on her new supply. Youve got this gorgeous one. If you are feeling lost, confused, or devastated after being discarded. I remember a few years before I left my narc husband, I came across some information about narcissism, which is when the penny dropped about my mother being a narc.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-2','ezslot_14',114,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-netboard-2-0'); Although it took two more years for me to be pushed to leave my husband, it wasnt until after Id left that I realised he was also a narcissist. This can take the form of: Leaving a narcissist is never easy, but in the long run, its probably for the best. How can we feed the narcissist and still see the kids without losing our minds? Im sorry for what you have experienced gorgeous one. These are some of the most common signs that a discard is in the near future. However, its not as easy as that. I've missed you so much!" "I'm so sorry if I hurt you. He has acted cold and aloof the last couple weeks and I know its because he has found a new supply. With the severing of that True Self, they also cut off their connection to the abundant life force and divine connection. This is when the discard happens youre tossed aside in favor of someone new, someone who can provide that initial high they desperately need. Rather than seeing their triggers as something unhealed within themselves, their ego instantly throws them onto the outside world. If theres no kids involved consider yourself blessed.Shit I have kids so its gone be a very long as road.Also,we not having sex or anything so Im sure theres a new supply.Moreover;Hes nonchalant an in I dont care mode.I have am open dss case and Im finson to have to cut babydad loose he has substance abuse issues.An a convert narcissist! I just discarded my narcissist a week ago after finding out for the 4th time that he has been cheating or planning to cheat. Narcissist discard can take many forms and happens at varying times for different types of narcissists, but it is inevitable for those in a relationship with a narcissist. *Providing closure is a lot of trouble to go through for someone who means so little to them *They have a new source of supply that fufills their neverending recurrent needs.for right now *They think You are simply a new shiny object within the first 6 months to a year into the affair, after that you wont be all that anymore, the devalue and discard phase follows. If they are getting their fill elsewhere from far better sources of narcissistic supply, they may leave you alone for a while. Many of these narcissistic men are simply what I term trophy hunters: once they have gotten you, they immediately lose interest and leave to hunt someone else. Idk what his overall plans are, other than to divorce me. No one can ever have any type of power over you ever again. Narcissists are incapable of developing a deeper relationship through intimacy, a necessary component to a sustainable connection. Remove Yourself 2. No Contact is silent. Whether they have an alternative source of self-esteem building narcissistic supplies. Approach each day w acts of kindness, make someone smile, give a compliment, secretly pay for some ones cup of coffee and watch their expression, etcits the small steps that will help defeat evilness. Just because someone claims another is a narcissist or theyre being abused by one doesnt make it so. Dear marionfallon1961. All you are is a supply. I know the worst is yet to come as a narc does not accept rejection lying down. If you live together theyll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. It might even appear to be a reconciliation between the two of you. The worst mistake you can do is wait for the complete destruction. YOU DID IT !!! It wasnt safe and there was no right answer. It can often feel like you've been used and discarded. Maybe theyre spending a lot more time on their appearance and how theyre presenting themselves to the world. Thus, love bombing is a means to seek attention, boost their . Your will always score high on each exam ! A narcissistic collapse may take two forms #1 Covert narcissist withdrawal. Fix What's Broken 4. Their sense of self is determined by what others think of them; they try to control what others think to feel better about themselves. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.

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